This sucks

These past few days have been exceptionally tough for me. I decided early last week to quick taking my meds for anxiety and depression. I don’t know why exactly I decided. Maybe because I had missed a day here and there and seemed to be find so I thought I could just quick taking them all together. Or maybe subconsciously I was tired of taking them. Either way I stopped taking them…. Cold turkey.

Yes you heard that right. I stopped taking them cold turkey. Big mistake. As you read in my previous post I just kind of blew up on Thursday. I now know that was probably because I was off the meds. Then Saturday came around and I woke up with anxiety. Like major anxiety. I hate that feeling… its so hard to explain but it is one of the worst feelings in the world. At the time I attributed it to the fact my cat was sick and I was worried about him.

But then Sunday came and yet I woke up again with the anxiety. I started taking the meds again Saturday after the first anxiety episode. But they will take a while to get back in my system. I think I forgot how bad anxiety feels because my meds had be covering it up.

It’s horrible. It’s like you wake up and instantly feel nervous, like extremely nervous for no apparent reason. Because of this you feel nauseous and you digestive track goes overboard so you have to use the bathroom. Yours hot when its not even moderately hot. You feel like you can’t relax. It almost feels like there is so much built up energy in your body you are going to explode. You are tired but you can’t rest. And nothing makes it better. I hate it. I hate anxiety.

My anxiety usually starts when I wake up and is gone by around 11ish in the morning. It sucks…. Majorly. It even gives me in digestion. It seems like when these things are going on I talk to God a lot more. And I hate to admit that I talk to him constantly when something isn’t going right… I should be talking to him constantly anyway… but somehow with the busyness of life I tend to forget.

Right now I am sitting here typing this. Trying to calm down… drinking water.. ac full blast and lavender essential oil diffusing… and yet I am still nervous. My stomach is in knots… I’m sweating… I’m nauseous… and I just want to go to sleep until this passes… This suck…

I hope and pray my meds get back in my system FAST… so I don’t have to deal with this anymore… because it sucks…